Unbothered: 4 Things About Which You Should Give ZERO Effs
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I’ve been talking and thinking a lot about PASSION. I make sure that the acts I am most passionate about (including writing, journaling, and spending time with my love) are habit and priority in my life. These things are part of my purpose, and with this deep sense of passion and purpose, I find myself unbothered in a way I never used to be.
Things like tech problems would set me off. Raging, I’d be cursing and flipping out. And I’d feel like a crazy person, but unable to stop myself. Why wouldn’t it just work? Why wasn’t anything easy? I gave waaaaay too many fucks about everything.
I was irritable and annoyed so often, and as I grew aware of it, I really started to loathe myself. That’s not who I want to be. I want to be a cool cucumber about the unimportant stuff, and passionate about the good things in life.
I also want this for you.
Mind what matters. Ignore the rest.
Do what you love, and simultaneously….
ACHIEVE MAXIMUM UNBOTHEREDNESS ABOUT THINGS THAT DON’T MATTER.
How do I define things that don’t matter?
There are four main categories where you shouldn’t spend your fucks in a given day:
- Money spent
- Other peoples’ expectations and agendas
- Time wasted
- Other peoples’ mistakes/faux pas/fuck-ups
Let’s dive deeper with each one.
** Money spent
Sales expert Grant Cardone, who has written several bestselling books and runs a bunch of companies, has talked in videos about how he leaves the air conditioning running in his car all day while in the office, and leaves all the lights on in his house when he exits. People will tell him in a pitch that they can save him money, and he’ll tell them about the car downstairs in the lot. He doesn’t care about the money spent on the gas or electric bill. And this comes from the guy who says his message to the world is that you — and everyone else — NEED millions of dollars.
We can all learn from this. Not necessarily to needlessly burn fossil fuels but to remain unbothered by money flowing out. It’s a lesson I reinforce with myself by buying the things I want even when I think I don’t have the money. And I push my partner to be unbothered.
A couple of stories come to mind…
My boyfriend hadn’t had a winter coat as long as I’d known him. We went into Burlington Coat Factory and found a gorgeous London Fog gray wool coat on sale for $80. Everything else we saw was tacky or not in his size. This was perfect and I loved how it looked on him. He’d never spent so much on a coat and he wondered aloud a few times if we should spend the money. I insisted. “It’s a great quality coat; you’ll have it for years,” I told him. And he has. He’s had that jacket for four winters. To him, spending money on a winter coat wasn’t a necessity. He saw it as almost an extravagance. I pushed him and he’s happy now that we bought it.
Another time, we were at Walmart to get a new tire. We had gone out to our car and found a flat tire. We used a can of fix-a-flat to get us to the nearby Walmart. Chris has connections in the automotive industry so he was standing there grumbling about how much it was going to cost us because we’d come to the nearest place and not the place he would have normally gone for new tires. I shrugged it off. “We need this. Who cares how much it costs?” And let me tell you that because I was so unbothered, we actually saved over $20; we found out I’d read the wrong numbers on the tire and the one we needed was cheaper than the cashier first quoted to us.
There’s an affirmation I love that I got from Florence Scovel Shinn: “I have the magic purse of spirit. It is never depleted. As money goes out, immediately money comes in. It is always crammed, jammed with abundance, under grace, in perfect ways.” Ahhhh!
** Other peoples’ expectations and agendas
Do you think any hotshot in any industry or any area of life who has way more than you’ve allowed yourself to even dream of lets other people set their agendas? NO.
You don’t get to be a leader by letting other people set the agenda. High-performance expert Brendon Burchard has a daily productivity planner page on which he reminds you that an email inbox is simply a convenient way to organize other people’s agendas.
Choose the stuff you’re passionate about first, and choose it every time. I’ve found that in doing this, I experience greater levels of energy throughout the day, more restful sleep and a consistent feeling of satisfaction. It also means that when I do make the decision to take actions as part of other people’s agendas that I’m not as bothered as I used to be.
** Time wasted
This brings me to time wasted. I choose to NEVER look at something as ‘time wasted.’ Time is ABUNDANT, and there’s always more of it. I mean… haven’t you experienced time speeding up or slowing down?
When I was a teenager, my sister asked for Sims 2 for our computer, and I spent HOURS designing new homes for my characters. The time would fly by; like I’d look at the clock and it was 1 p.m. and 10 minutes later the clock read 6 p.m.
I’ve also experienced the miserable slowing of time when waiting at the DMV or feeling sick on the car ride home and feeling the miles drag on.
Time is malleable; it can be manipulated. So even if it feels like you’ve spent your time doing something you wish you hadn’t, it’s a FURTHER waste of time to spend time regretting it.
You have this choice: Learn from each experience or don’t.
If something feels afterward like it was a waste of time, consider if this is something you can learn from and take different action on. For example, waiting for that tire replacement at Walmart, I decided that I would look to hire an assistant who can get paid for waiting when my car needs fixing or in similar situations.
And ALWAYS carry things with you that will make waiting fun and/or productive. I always have my phone and journal with me, and often a book, too. This way I am usually happy even if I’m waiting to be served because I get to spend time doing what I love: exploring my mind, creating my dream life, and writing to share with you all!
** Other peoples’ mistakes/faux pas/fuck-ups
Stop taking other people’s mistakes, faux pas and fuck-ups personally. Unless they intentionally try to hurt you personally, it’s not worth your attention. At least for me, I just can’t get too frustrated by other people. I used to! All the time. And I see others who do this; get annoyed and post a rant about the behaviors/thoughts/words of others that really get on their nerves. I’ve heard other business consultants and coaches give the advice of sharing your opinions and rants whenever they come up. And I might find myself doing that in the future… But right now? I just don’t find myself that annoyed by anybody else. When I realized why I had made the mistakes I’ve made, I took back that power from them. I realize not everyone has the information and beliefs I do that make me different now, and I don’t think that becoming the healer and leader I’m meant to be will come from shaming anybody for their mistakes.
You’re an artist, a leader and you’ve got all the answers, right? Or at least… WAY more answers than a lot of people. How can they get it so wrong all the time?? I get this. But you don’t need to share the answers by ranting about the mistakes of others.
Which of these four categories feels like the most difficult to overcome for you?
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