Woman leader! It is time for you to divest your energy and all of your fucks from these four “accounts.” I really want you to understand that every leader you admire, and who is a role model for you, doesn’t give too many effs in each of these areas! They may be very polite about it (or not), but I guarantee you that Grant Cardone, Amanda Frances, Brendon Burchard, even Oprah—they don’t give their energy in these areas. Or perhaps I should say, they’re intelligent about how they invest their energy in these areas.
So let’s dive in!
Now Get Your Energy Back! The 4 “Accounts” Where Your Energy is Getting NO ROI
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ACCOUNT #1 to DIVEST YOUR ENERGY FROM: Money Spent
Here it is: the first thing that you should not be bothered by is money spent. Please hear me…
Stop worrying about the money that you’ve spent on things!
I want to tell you a little story about when my boyfriend and I had this car—a Ford Focus; it was like such a hoopty—and he has worked in car sales so he knows people in the industry. And the one day our car had a flat. Like, my boyfriend walked to the gas station, got a can of fix-a-flat, and we were able to get to the local Walmart to change the tire. As we were waiting in line to pay for the tire he was complaining about the price of the tire that we were gonna buy and how he could get it so much cheaper somewhere else.
I remember saying to him, “Babe, seriously? Are you kidding? We need this. It’s not—it’s really not a big deal.” I was already—even though we hadn’t yet spent the money—I was already unbothered by the amount of money we were gonna spend on this. We needed it, right? And that’s how you should be about the things that you’re spending money on, or have spent money on. It happened, it’s done, the money is “gone,” but you get to make more money, and more money will come, and it really isn’t a big deal! So stop worrying about it, right?!
And because I was unbothered by the amount of money we were gonna spend on that car tire, guess what? In the end, we realized we were actually saving $20 on the price that we thought we were gonna pay!
Hear me again: STOP ALLOWING MONEY TO UPSET YOU!!
Consider for a moment that implementing only what you’ve read so far will get your energy back in spades!
ACCOUNT #2 to DIVEST YOUR ENERGY FROM: Time Spent
The second thing I really want you—and need you—to stop giving any attention to is time spent. Alright, here’s the thing. I have a very abundant time mentality; I love how much time I have. Like, I don’t practice this, “I’m so busy, I don’t have enough time.” I don’t practice that, and I really want you to stop practicing that.
If you find yourself saying things such as, “I don’t have the time,” “I’m just so busy,” anything like that, first of all STOP saying those things! Secondly, practice a time abundance mentality. Begin to look for the ways that time slows down and speeds up, and when it does both of those things for you.
I don’t like to be late; I really hate to be late for an appointment, and so it’s something that for years, created a lot of stress for me. There was a long time that I was taking SEPTA everywhere (that’s Philadelphia’s public transportation system). You really are not in control when there’s a bus driver or a train and you know you’re not driving it! You’re really not in control.
There were so many times I’d be worried or freaked out that I was gonna be late and it was unnecessarily stressful. I learned that when you practice a peace about it—even if it seems like you’re going to be late to a meeting—if you just like stay nonchalant about it, I guarantee you time will slow down. You’ll end up getting there at exactly the right time. Or the other person will be late. Or something will work out so it’s not the end of the world if you are late. I promise you—Time—moves. It moves on its own accord. But it does respond to your emotions!
So it’s not really, really not worth you being upset about. You can be in control of your time and even create time when you learn to control your emotions!
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ACCOUNT #3 to DIVEST YOUR ENERGY FROM: Other Peoples’ Agendas & Expectations of You
The third thing, which you should absolutely not be bothered by, is other people’s agendas and expectations of you. It’s perfectly normal that you encounter these things, right? And that there will be times that you really want to meet another person’s expectations, or support them in their agendas. But if, for some reason, you can’t—if it’s out of your control, if honestly it’s in conflict with your own agenda and your own expectations of yourself—then don’t be bothered.
Choose empowerment. Make decisions knowing your own agenda, your own expectations first. Come from that place. That’s why it’s really important to set intentions in the morning (or before you go to bed), and to have goals and to have a big vision for yourself, and to learn to prioritize.
So stop being so bothered by other people’s expectations and agendas. In fact, stop giving them priority! You’ve likely heard this before but checking your email before doing an important creative project for yourself is one little way that you signal to your brain that other people are more important than you and your goals and your agendas and your expectations of yourself. A very simple way to stop that is just to stop that! Stop checking your email before you spend 15 minutes on your creative project. If that’s all you can do to start your day is 15 minutes on your creative project or 15 minutes of meditation to start the day, then do that!
Actually I do about 10 minutes of meditation in the morning. That’s because I usually have somewhere to be and I don’t like to get up super early so I do my 10 minutes of meditation. This practice helps me to center and set up for a day where I feel in control of myself. I highly recommend you do that starting now.
I know you are reading this because you are a woman leader. Whether that means that you are an entrepreneur working full time in your own business, or you have a day job and work your business outside of your day job (or even during your little coffee breaks), or if you simply are a boss in a corporation and you work for someone else and you are the leader in that capacity… you’re going to encounter other people. This means you will encounter other people’s mistakes.
ACCOUNT #4 to DIVEST YOUR ENERGY FROM: Other Peoples’ Mistakes
This is the fourth area where you shouldn’t give any fucks. That might mean different things for you and you get to figure out what that means for you.
There’s one way, one simple approach, to eliminate feeling bothered by other people’s mistakes. I want you to consider how you let other people’s mistakes bother you and how you would prefer to handle them as the excellent leader that you are.
One thing I have found for myself is that when I am grounded into my very own super big vision for myself—my 10-year vision for where I want to be—then that’s when I find the mistakes of other people are not such a big deal. I might get minorly annoyed but I’ve learned to move myself along much more quickly than I used to because I recognize how unnecessary it is to spend a lot of time and energy being upset about their mistakes.
If there’s something I can do to fix it, I I will do that.
If there’s something that they can do to fix it and I see that and want to ask that of them I can ask that of them.
And other times it’s simply smart to know that the mistake is unfixable, and it’s not the end of the world, and to simply move on! That’s something that has helped me a lot in my relationship. I’ve been with the love of my life for nine years and there are times when a mistake that he makes—or not even knowing that he has made a “mistake,” something bothers me—I learned to like check in real quick and ask myself, “Does this really matter? Is it really effective for me to feel upset about this?” If it’s not, I move on.
Give thought today to how you can respond to other people’s mistakes as the leader that you want to be. Sir.e.ously! That’s a really great journaling exercise if you’ve never done that. Go for it.
Don’t Be Bothered! A Recap of the ENERGY DIVESTMENT Strategy Every Woman Leader Needs to Practice
So there you have them! The four things that you should give zero energy to.
To recap they are:
- Don’t care about money spent
- Stop worrying about time spent
- Don’t care about—give fewer effs—to other people’s expectations and agendas
- Spend less time less time upset when other people make mistakes
Learn—figure out for yourself—how you want to handle those things. Be more future-oriented. Keep moving forward. Stop letting things take you down. Don’t let these things put you out of the game for any amount of time. It’s not worth it, right?
These things are not worth you spending a lot of time and energy on. There are other things you can spend your time on. Actually, number two on this list is very interesting! I really want emphasize that it is so ineffective for you to feel bothered about time spent, or money spent, or these other things from other people. Even though when you have developed a time abundance mentality, it doesn’t mean you must spend time on everything. Personally, I’m very conscientious of where and when I spend my time upset.