Talking as if God had already met her money needs, Rosella surfaced a memory & needed to repent. This is money mindset work by example… (And shows how we can move forward expecting God’s forgiveness when we are genuinely repentant.)
Earlier today I was finishing reading the book of Philippians when I was guided to read aloud chapter 4 verses 19-20.
“And my God will supply all your needs according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus. Now to our God and Father be glory forever and ever. Amen.”
After completing the book of Philippians, I have just 12 books in the Bible left to complete my first ever read-through of the Bible.
Anyway, I was really moved by these words about God supplying our need. (If you dig that vibe but you’re not ready to dive headlong into the Bible, I get it and I’d suggest this as an appetizer: Prayers and Promises for Financial Breakthrough by Joan Hunter, or The Wisdom of Florence Scovel Shinn.)
So I flipped open a notebook and began to write as if I currently had $5,795 in hand (or the bank).
The amount came from writing out an ideal budget for each month from a place of expansion. And I’ve been playing with this amount for a few days, really conscious that I desire for this to be my new energetic minimum.
And I surfaced a repressed element of my relationship with money.
“I love having $5,795 NOW. This is more than I’ve received in a single payment…” EVER, I was about to write and then–boop!–it hit me: I used to receive a few thousand at the start of each college semester! I’d gotten close to this number I’m currently seeking to make a monthly minimum back when I was a college sophomore!
See, when I was in college, the first semester I really needed to “take care of myself” (because Dad only agreed to pay for on-campus housing and food for my freshman year), I was SHOCKED that multiple thousands of dollars were deposited into my bank account at the start of the semester.
My mom worked for my college so my tuition was paid through “tuition remission” (for which I am eternally grateful). So this money that made its way to my bank account came from grants and awards that gave me a financial credit in the college’s accounting, which they had to reimburse to me.
I was so ill-prepared to handle this money mentally because my parents had planted the idea that I would be bad with money a few years before that. And so I honestly don’t know exactly how much money it was (though it occurred to me today as this resurfaced that it was somewhere in the ballpark of $4-5k). When this money came at the start of each semester, I avoided mentioning the money to anyone and spent it as needed but without ever really looking at my bank balance.
Because this surfaced now, I am repenting to God, asking forgiveness, and appreciating how money has shown up for me in “magical” ways that I have left not acknowledged. Here’s what it looks like in my journal:
“God please forgive me for the way I received money as a college student. (With fear it would be taken away.) I avoided looking at the bank balance and spent without connection, honor and respect for that money. No wonder that bank account into which I received that money felt ‘cursed’ after that.
“God, please forgive me. Forgive me that I didn’t acknowledge the money You delivered so easily & gracefully. I don’t know how I would’ve gotten through college without Your provision. (Or any other period of my life.) Forgive me that I didn’t celebrate You and praise You then. I repent. Forgive me that in intervening years I have forgotten these fiscal gifts and even held grudge against people to whom I had given so freely then but who couldn’t see fit to ‘return the favor’ or ‘repay’ my generosity when I needed it later. I can see now how I muddied up the heavenly accounting by adding resentment and other emotion to the gifts I’d already given (and was in fact supported by You, God, in giving). I committed the sin of making money and other people my source when You, God, are in fact my source.
This feels like a HUGE breakthrough!!!
I see that I was not honoring God or the supply, and I was actively fearful that it would be “taken away” from me. (Yes, I very much feared that my Dad, and to a lesser extent, my Mom, would make some claim to the money and I’d be left struggling more than I already felt I was.)
What a toxic vibe that was!
And boy how I can see it lingering in me today. I still actively try to hide my spending from people who I think may try to make claim to what money I do have…
Wild!! And so ready to be healed within me.
I wrote up this breakthrough to share in the Facebook group for Cassie Howard’s program, Effortless Wealth, because the first training in the program also contributed to this breakthrough.
Now I thank God for the revelation and reconciliation of this rift in my relationship with money. And I receive it as confirmation that God wants us to have the breakthroughs necessary to receive His provision of money, time and other resources.
I’ll end with thanksgiving to God:
Thank you, God, SO MUCH! Thank You for this breakthrough in thought. Thank You for surfacing this memory so that I could repent of my mistakes and experience a Godly healing. I am SO EXCITED to see what breakthroughs you give me next. I make myself available for these breakthroughs now, and I thank you that I now have $5,795.
Thank you also for those verses, Philippians 4:19-20, as well as for this verse: “Not that I seek the gift, but I seek the profit that is increasing to your account.” This is a word offered by the apostle Paul in his letter to the Philippian church regarding how their offerings to him in times of need added to their heavenly accounts.