Permission to stop what you’re doing, dutiful one.
You’re pushing — hard — to give the ones you love, your family, what they need in the most boring, unbearable, or otherwise soul-crushing way imaginable.
You keep on keepin’ on, you keep it pushin’, to create a desired result in a limiting, self-defeating way that you know isn’t sustainable.
Somebody told you that to have X you have to do Y, and so you keep sloggin’ away, doin’ Y, feeling drained, angsty, straight-up aggro. You don’t want to do Y, but you know how vitally important X is and if you don’t keep doing Y then X is never ever gonna happen in a million years.
Well… what if that weren’t true at all?
What if you realized your error (buying into Y being the only possible path to creating X)?
How does it feel to now entertain the thought, “there are actually 10,000 other (at least) ways to get to X”?!
Can you imagine?
Could you now realize that the easiest and most enjoyable path to creating X is a variable you have not acknowledged?!
Acknowledging the potential for an R (alternative path to the desired result) could change it all, couldn’t it?
What if you decided that X (the result) were the true non-negotiable, and Y (the prescribed and supposed ‘only path’ to the desired result) is absolutely 100 billion percent *negotiable*?!
Commit to the result, not the path, then.
The Decision Point We Often Ignore
We dutiful ones suffer the most in that period between realizing that the prescribed path to our desired result is unaligned (painful, stressful, unmanageable, etc) and deciding that we get to create the result another way.
I think generations of life lessons encoded in our cells tell us we don’t have choice and we must do what we’re told to show we love our families/friends.
So many dutiful ones never allow themselves the opportunity to decide. To decide that the result is the non-negotiable and we get to make it happen our own way.
So if you find yourself in a situation where you’ve been keepin’ it pushin’ to benefit those in your life you often treat as more important than yourself, and it feels like a Herculean task to push another millimeter in that direction… Well, pause.
Consider the result you’ve been aiming for.
Commit again to the result. Decide the prescribed path is only an option, not the *only* way. And invite God to give you guidance to get there another way.
Examples of Favoring the Outcome Over the Method
“I’m committed to…”
- “…giving my family financial freedom, and I do not have to do it through this job I hate.”
- “…providing my kids the best possible education, and I do not have to force them to go to school outside the home.”
- “…having a model marriage, and I do not need to break traditional gender roles to do it.”
See how this can sound? Feel what it can feel like to refuse the burdensome path?
Yes, be your dutiful, loving, generous and compassionate self… including *to* yourself. Punishing yourself to give to others is not necessary.