Blog on RosellaLaFevre.com

This post started as a rant against an idea I think is absolutely stupid (see paragraph three) and became a motivational thing. I got SO FIRED UP writing this for you. I hope you love it.

Have you seen or heard someone recently say something like the following?

“When you post for the sake of posting, your energy is off and your people pick up on it. Don’t be consistent for consistency’s sake. Share what’s on your heart to share when you’re lit the eff up!!!!”

And honestly, I DON’T RESONATE. And the idea is, for me, totally de- motivational. Now…

I’m not saying I’m always consistent.

But let me tell you this:

I GOT A CLIENT, WHO HAS PAID ME OVER $50K, FROM POSTING TO LINKEDIN BECAUSE I FELT I SHOULD TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE PLATFORM. BECAUSE I NEEDED TO REACH CLIENTS.

And I’m not saying I didn’t feel good when I wrote that post or published it.

But I AM saying that getting attention matters.

And I’m now really tired of the people giving you the bad advice to post only when you feel like it.

I’m not saying that you should feel guilty for not posting.

But I AM saying that the post-only-when-you’re-lit-up strategy is fuckin’ hard to rock when you’re population: 1 in Struggle City.

Laaaaaaadies and gentlemen, I’ve been MAYOR of Struggle City. There have been stretches of imbalance where I spent waaaaay more time feeling down, depressed, angry, bitter, etc, and if I waited until I FELT good to post, I’d a maybe posted once a week — and SOMETIMES DID ONLY POST ONCE A WEEK because someone got this idea in my head — and those were the SLOWEST times in my business in a straight-up cyclical fashion. I didn’t post because I felt “off,” I didn’t get business because I didn’t post, and I continued feeling bad because I didn’t have business coming in.

The Effort Won’t Kill You

I’m not saying that your energy doesn’t matter, and I’m not saying that you don’t deserve to feel good 90-95% of the time. (I’m a fan of a 5-10% margin of suckage just like I loooove when I’m in doubt.)

But I AM saying that effort made in ‘off’ moments have a cumulative effect. The effort won’t kill you.

Just Consider THIS!

Dude. I NEVER used to move my body. I’d find every excuse to stay in the house. Many stretches of days where I didn’t leave the apartment at all even to check the mail were a real thing for me. Why? Because as a kid I’d absorbed a lot of baaaaaaad ideas about my body. “I’m not athletic.” “My body moves awkwardly.” “I’m big-boned and it won’t change.” “I’m just meant to be fat.” “Exercise means sweating and I don’t like to sweat.” On and fucking on. I told myself effort toward a leaner, healthier body was pointless.

Now? I walk daily. My daily step counts are increasing. Now I DESIRE movement. I crave it. My body begs for it. The effort is good. My body feels BEST when making an effort. And in the last two weeks, the cumulative effect of all my efforts (including diet changes) have led to multiple people commenting on how much I appear to have lost, with one woman saying I look like I lost 45 pounds. Like, holy wow! That’s amazing!

Getting to the Point

My point? I used to think I shouldn’t make the EFFORT. That something about me or my body made me the exception to the Law of Accumulation of Efforts. And clearly I’m not the damn exception. I’ve just proved it to a whole group of people who’ve seen my fat loss in the last few months/weeks.

THE LAW OF ACCUMULATION OF EFFORTS is the “LOA” I think we could all pay more attention to.

So go ahead and fucking post when you don’t feel like it. Even when it doesn’t look like it’s happening, when the clients don’t seem to be coming, and the stubborn pounds keep hanging on, when the guy/gal of your dreams just doesn’t wanna step into your life…

IT’S ALL HAPPENING. THE EFFORT IS ACCUMULATING. YOU ARE WINNING.

P.S. I wrote this for myself as much as for you. #RemindingMyself

P.P.S. Did you find this motivational? Tell me in the comments where in your life you’re going to exert some effort today!

Have you watched this yet? While I’m highlighting in the title and featured image the aspect that influencers using automation will lose and soon (and I explain that in the video), you’ll get much more out of this video.

Watch to understand:
– Two questions you must ask yourself when considering implementing any social media automation
– Two purposes for social media automation
– When you absolutely SHOULD NOT use social media automation tools
– How to know if your Instagram Stories are performing well (going beyond just the # of views)
– The next type of automation that will be invented for Instagram (MY PREDICTION — I SEE IT CLEARLY)
– How influencers are lying to their audiences (and how you can avoid it)

Please do this:
> Watch the video
> Give it a thumbs up
> Comment your takeaways on YT
> Follow my channel on YT
> Share this video with any entrepreneurs you know using IG to grow their businesses!

There’s gonna be a bubble burst! That’s right, we’re fast approaching the point where the upper echelon of Instagram influencers and other influencers lose their power. And I’ll tell you: it’s being a sped along with the invention of story viewing bots.

Instagram Story-viewing Bots Can, For $$, Mislead Others Into Believing You Watched Their Stories

Influencers You Admire Are Already Using These Tools

The introduction of these tools to the marketplace means that your entrepreneurial hero didn’t actually watch your Instagram story; they paid a program or tool to go ahead and view your story for them so that they don’t have to waste their time. The early result of these tools: You are all excited and you are sharing your entrepreneurial hero or favorite online influencer and thanking them publicly for watching your story (which, again, they didn’t do).

Today, I’m Going to Share…

I want to talk about this bubble burst, and why the use of tools like this is a problem, and give you a couple of really important critical thinking tools for you when you’re deciding how to use automation in social media for your business. Social media is, I’m sure, part of your strategy for getting your programs and products out into the world, reaching more people, helping more people, making money, and all of that goodness. So I really want you to avoid the trap that these influencers are getting themselves into.

The Great Things Automation Does For Online Business…

There’s a lot of great ways that automation can help your business. It’s wonderful when you use automation to respond to a message to say that someone from your team will get back to them. And automation is great to deliver the actual informational products and services that you’re providing at scale. So if you’re selling a workshop, you’re selling an e-book, you’re selling any kind of digital product where you’re not actually coaching a person one-to-one or working with them one-to-one, then automation is fantastic because it takes you out of the equation. They pay and they automatically get the thing they paid for. It’s amazing, right?!

Automation is wonderful in online business. It’s one of the reasons why online business is so great and such a profit maker. But when you’re using automation in social media, you need to be incredibly careful.

Mark These Words: FALLOUT From These Bots Will Be Big

I’ve already told you that there’s going to be a bubble burst and I’m serious about this. I really believe there’s gonna be a bubble burst. There’s gonna be fallout—major fallout⁠—because now there are Instagram story viewing bots, and influencers⁠—your entrepreneurial heroes, big people with big audiences⁠—are using this tool now. The cumulative effect will be an erosion of the trust they’ve spent years and put in lots of effort to cultivate with their audience.

Most Instagram Users Don’t Know This (Yet). When They Do… Man, Oh, Man!

It’s not visible or palpable yet, this death of the trust that many of us have instilled in major influencers because most people don’t yet know that this specific form of automation tool exists. They don’t know yet that their hero didn’t actually watch their Instagram story. They’re floating through life happy and excited because so-and-so watches their story every day when they don’t. As soon as people start to catch on, the trust will be eroded. And these influencers will have to put in incredible amounts of effort to recover.

This Was to Be Expected, and Still!

This type of tool, the Instagram Story-viewing bot, is just the latest in a line of automation tools that have changed how we use social media. Instagram users have employed bots for years to like posts (their own, and other peoples’), to comment on posts (ever seen a “Love your profile, please check out my page” comment on one of your posts? The odds are 299:1 that it’s a comment posted by a bot), and to follow other people. Hashtags have been a great way to get your content discovered organically, but they’re also a great way for these bots to find you. So this form of automation isn’t new; these other functions have been carried out by bots for years.

Now that Instagram Stories are such an integral part of the platform⁠—notice they’re the first thing you see when you open the app⁠—it was a matter of time before developers cashed in by creating bots to watch stories for you.

Here’s What Will Follow in Automation for Instagram

And the next evolution? (I’m talking two or three steps from where we’re at now.) There will be bots that automatically engage on Instagram stickers, emoji sliders, polls, and question stickers.

How Problematic The Story-viewing Bots Are…

While Instagram Story-viewing bots are a natural evolution of this whole automation phenomenon, it’s a really problematic evolution. Not sure how you feel about it, but my Instagram Stories feel incredibly intimate and they’ve been a place where I’ve gotten vulnerable in ways I might not on my Instagram feed. So the Instagram user probably feels even more attached and connected to the Instagram stories that they’re posting because they’re a form of you vlogging. When the average Instagram user, who was super excited that their mentor/influence/hero seemed to be watching their Stories, finds out it’s a lie? The feelings of let-down will be strong. And thus, the trust will be eroded.

Influencers are Piling on the Lies with Their Audiences

And influencers early to adopt these bots are living with a lie. Those early to adopt the use of these bots are collecting the public shoutouts they’re getting from people and posting them to their own Instagram Stories. They’re adding commentary that reads, “So excited to do this,” and “You’re so welcome,” and such.

If the influencer is sharing things to their own story falsely propagating this idea that they’re actually sitting there watching the stories when they’re not, they are lying to their audience.

It’s Pathetic I Even Have to Say This Next Thing!

You should never lie to your audience.

So Here’s What I Need to Do for You with This Post…

I want you to know this technology exists. I want you to realize that the number of Instagram Story views doesn’t mean anything anymore. Beyond that, I really want you to take some tools with you that will serve you however technology evolves. Let’s dive into those tools…

YOU NEED TO ASK YOURSELF THESE TWO QUESTIONS WHEN CONSIDERING AN AUTOMATION TOOL

Those tools include two questions you answer if you’re ever considering adding automation into your business. I want you to ask yourself these two questions. 

Question #1: Does using this tool require me to lie to my audience?

Maybe the Instagram Story-viewing bought doesn’t require you to lie to your audience because you could be honest. A user of such a tool could tell another, “Actually, I used a bot to watch your story. But you know I’m watching it now, and I see X Y Z, and that’s really cool.”

There are ways of sharing the truth that you’re using such a tool. Of course, in a moment of honesty, the receiver of the news may still feel disappointment. But it’s not as bad as your pretending you’ve actually watched all those stories when you haven’t.

That’s just one consideration when you’re in the decision to automate: Does this require me to lie to my audience?

Next consideration…

Question #2: Does my using this tool have the effect of me lying to my audience?

The second question is very similar to the first, but it is different.  Again you don’t you could use a bot to watch somebody Stories and not lie about it. But your refusal to directly admit this has the effect of you lying to your audience.

So those are two questions that you can ask yourself about any automation tool you’re considering, and…

I also really want you to get this next point. Automation should be used for only two purposes.

Use Automation For THIS…

The two purposes for which it should be used:

1. To broaden your audience and widen your reach.
2. To deliver an excellent customer service experience.

Use automation to appeal to more people. I don’t like the bots that follow my Instagram account automatically. Still, I do generally understand that the bot’s function is to broaden the user’s reach. They’re trying to reach me. And in a sense, I can be flattered, right?

Then I can check out their profile if it looks interesting, or disregard and that’s fine too. So you can use automation to broaden your reach.

That could additionally mean using automation to schedule content. There will be times when you’re asleep that half the world isn’t! Using automation to reach those people while you’re asleep by simply posting your value-giving content is smart!

Approved:

Use automation to post your valuable and value-giving content to the world at the times when you’re not able to actively do it yourself so the content can reach people that you wouldn’t otherwise.

The second appropriate use of automation: To deliver an excellent customer service experience. This means using tools to deliver the goods you’ve sold and aid in customer-to-company/company-to-customer communication.

Go forth and use automation for those two things.

…DON’T Use Automation For THIS

Absolutely do everything you can to avoid relying upon automation for this purpose: To make clients, customers, and fans feel like they have a relationship with you that they don’t.

Allow me to explain: Sons of Anarchy actor Charlie Hunnam is one of my favorite actors. He’s the subject of some Prince Charming-type fantasies. But no matter how vivid my dreams of him are, my relationship with him is one-sided. Charlie Hunnam does not know I exist. Because I am mentally healthy I realize this. And I would never think he knows me. I wouldn’t confuse the one-sided relationship with him as a “real” relationship.

Now Imagine

Charlie Hunnam creates an Instagram account (he hasn’t been on social media). He’s got a movie coming out soon. So someone tells him he should employ an automation tool to make fans feel like he’s watching their Instagram stories. This way, they reason, “Your fans will feel more connected to you. They’ll buy tickets…”

And so suddenly, my Instagram Story views list has the name of one of my favorite actors. Cue my internal freakout: “CHARLIE FREAKING HUNNAM IS WATCHING MY STORIES! HE SAW MY FACE! OMGOMGOMG!!!” And suddenly, I feel like I have a “real” relationship with Charlie.

I imagine that he might actually respond to my stories. That he might break up with his girlfriend, and make plans to meet me in Philadelphia. (Thanks for bearing with me for this very extreme example.)

But because my one-sided relationship with him now only APPEARS to be two-sided, nothing’s changed. (Even though I think it did.) And maybe I buy a ticket to the new movie…

When I attend the movie showing, others in the audience talk about how Charlie Hunnam watched their Instagram Stories. That’s when I realize that what I knew was improbable was actually a lie.

My dream man LIED to me! And it makes me feel badly. And now, even if I sit through two hours of the movie, I’m staring at his handsome face and I’m angry. I feel betrayed.

GET IT?

Can you see how this would DAMAGE your relationships with your audience if you use automation to falsely deepen their relationships to you?

Let Me Be Clear

To use automation in a way that gives the impression to your fans that there’s been a significant change in their relationship with you is a no-no. And even if you use an automation tool to ‘nurture’ existing relationships, the nurturing shouldn’t be based on a lie.

Further…

At the time of this writing, we’re in the early stages of the existence of these bots. the people who follow these influencers who are seeing the influencer’s name pop up in their Stories and then gives him/her a public shoutout do so because they now believe they’ve received something that has been scarce for them: the attention of the influencer.

Influencers Are Cheapening Their Attention and It’s Ugly

We consider the attention of an influencer with tens or hundreds of thousands of followers to be valuable. Part of that value results from his/her inability to give attention to all followers, right? If an influencer uses automation tools to give every viewer the experience that they’ve received the attention of the influencer, the attention then becomes (even if in appearance only) commonplace. They’ve flooded the world with the appearance of their attention. And from herein, their followers will never know if they’ve actually received the influencer’s attention. As soon as enough people catch on to the existence of these tools, they will assign less value to the influencer’s attention.

And if you’re on the verge of becoming an influencer yourself, you’ll be smart to avoid the automation tools that cheapen your attention or have the effect of you lying to others.

Adapting To These Changes as an Instagram User Ready to Grow Their Business

You’ll Want to Take These Steps

Here are some other ways you’ll want to adapt to the changes I’ve described:

• If you want to deepen relationships with followers and customers, actually watch their stories with your own two eyes. Choose 5 new people per day.
• As you watch people’s stories, be sure to engage on the polls, question stickers, emoji sliders, and in any other way. Respond. (This is going to separate you at least until they invent bots that respond.)
• On the list of Instagram Story views, use the little paper airplane button (on the right side) to send messages. To whom? Those who watch your story who may be ideal customers. Ask them questions relevant to the story they supposedly watched, or in some other way engage them. (ex. “How did you find me?”) [Now, people may lie to you here, but I’m all for creating accountability. If it becomes uncomfortable for someone who uses a bot to view the stories of other people to answer questions from people holding them accountable, maybe they’ll stop the bad behavior. But I’m not saying to ever be rude to these people.]
• Be sure to use the tools Instagram gives you for upping engagement on your Stories. Use the polls, the question stickers, links if you’ve got enough followers, emoji sliders, etc.
• Find ways to reward the followers who engage with your Stories beyond simply watching them.

With Instagram stories, we’re going to have to adapt in the way that we use Instagram stories and the way that we use the metrics that we get on viewership and engagement. We’re going to have to start to use those things differently in our businesses than we have been.

ULTIMATELY

Think critically about how you’ll navigate these changes, and use those two questions I’ve shared above to help you. While the introduction of these Instagram Story-viewing bots is new and can be considered a big change, it absolutely was just a matter of time. And the invention of other similar tools are just a matter of time. This is the dance we must do with social media. We have to figure out how to deal with this current evolution and there will be a new evolution to deal with soon. Of course, it’s not all bad!

My Final Message for You:

There are so many joys and pleasures and rewards in online business that it’s absolutely worth it to keep doing this work. I just want to make it easier for you which is why I’m bringing you this information.

Get MORE!

Want to always be in the know so you are marketing your business like a pro? Sign up to receive my free training on how to edit videos on your phone and you’ll get email updates from me.

Fucking off. Farting around. Loafing. Whatever you call it, time when you’re feeling off and take off from working on yourself/your goals can be very powerful.

Watch this livestream I did earlier in the week about it:

What you’ll catch here:

2:31 — About a habit I got out of, why I got out of it…
3:33 — How I got to be here, live on video, tonight…
4:18 — About making a DECISION to go to a new level…
5:02 — About making peace with doubt… My 2nd favorite part of manifestation process, WHY it’s my 2nd favorite part, and what my 1st favorite part is…
8:51 — The DECISION I made about my next level, how it felt… The amazing things that have happened for me since making that decision…
11:27 — About my habits shifting naturally as a result of the decision…
12:43 — The productivity vibes I’ve been feeling & what that has looked like practically
14:34 — What has happened to my productivity in the last two days…
19:07 — The moment tonight when I realized I’d just spent 90 freakin’ minutes watching YouTube and I was done… And finally I had the desire and the need to — RIGHT THEN — do something that had been on my Want-To-Do List for MONTHS…
21:19 — “It’s incredible, right, the power of fucking off, but here’s the thing. It is RAPIDLY decreased when…”
And more…

Today, June 28, is my golden birthday. That’s right, I turned 28 today! And you get to benefit from my birthday revelations. There’s so much more I want to share but let’s start with the three ways I plan to be of service going into my future!

These are Birthday Revelations about how I can be of service to the world now & later

Here’s how I desire to be of service in my 28th year and beyond…

No. 1: Creating and selling life-changing programs and products for “low-ticket prices.”

There’s one on my heart and mind right now that I will be launching soon. You’ll have 10 days to make your decision to join me in FULLY HER.

This is going to be a course/challenge type program focused on getting you into Decision and Full Commitment to a Vision of you fully expressed and highly successful. We’re talking about a really big “impossible” goal for you (personal to you) and deciding and committing to it.

For months, years, maybe even decades, you’ve left your arrival at this level of business success up to chance. You’ve gotten on trains headed in the totally opposite direction or even just stayed stalled out miles from your destination. You’ve waited for someone to hand you the ticket. I know because I’ve been there. And I know that no one really ever showed you how to get your mind, body, and spirit fully onboard to manifest success this big.

No worries. We’ve got this.

You’re about to have your ticket punched, love. And we’re gonna get the train moving.

FULLY HER will be a 3-week immersion with 3 live calls/videos, 16 lessons, and 6 totally new meditations. It’s gonna be less than $200 during the early bird period. I’m so excited to bring this to you.

Want more details on FULLY HER when it’s open for enrollment? Jump on over to Facebook and request to join my group >

No. 2: Working really deeply for years with amazing clients who come to me for coaching and support.

I’m gonna admit something I think I’ve only shared once before: I really deeply desire to fill 1-3 spots in the most intimate support package possible for the fee of $100,000. I’ve not totally known what that would look like, just felt the energy of requiring that much to work with me in a very specific way.

That energy has been swirling around and through me again and a few more details came through. For the right person(s), this would be “lifetime” coaching with me. That’s the word I heard around it.

I see these details so far: One year of unlimited calls and unlimited text/voice support. During that time, access to any program/product I launch. After year 1, one call every 6 months and unlimited text/voice support. Lifetime discount of 30% off any coaching packages (like if you wanted calls again) and other offers.

There’s more that will be revealed to me, I can feel it. And I’m grateful that these pieces of the vision have revealed themselves to me.

No. 3: In some other really massive ways that I’m not ready to share yet!

I’m asking myself why I ever bother mentioning this if I’m not ready to share details of the vision for these other ways I desire to be of service… Here’s why I’m mentioning this and keeping the details secret: Because I’ve finally, around my 28th birthday, given myself permission to keep some things close to my chest and to be protective of my dreams and visions for as long as I want to.

I never used to resonate with the memes I saw that said, “Be quiet while you make big moves.” I mean… I wanted to be the person who could do that, but it felt impossible. There was something in me, I think the result of past trauma, that compelled me to share everything, and I’m past that now. There’s a new story in me around this…

It is fully safe for me to keep BIG SHIPS docked quietly in my harbor until they’re ready for launch.

PLEASE SHARE IN THE COMMENTS how you desire to (and will be) of service now & later.

I want to hold the vision with you and cheer you on!

It’s true. The verdict is in. Law of Attraction SUCKS.

.

.

.

At least the way most (other) people teach it!

When did you first hear about the Law of Attraction? I was about 14 when I watched The Secret with a parent. This was my introduction to the concept. And before the movie was even over, my parent immediately called it something like a pipe dream. “It would be nice if it worked like that, but it doesn’t,” they said.

Trusting my parent as the voice of reason/finality, I put it out of my mind.

I didn’t hear of the concept again until I was about 23 years old trying to build a business. At the same time, someone told me about Abraham Hicks and I started listening to all the YouTube clips from their seminars and reading their books. I saw others talking about LOA in Facebook groups.

Even the way Abraham explains the Law of Attraction, I struggled with the application. There were at least three ways that LOA teachings fell short for me. I’m going to share them below, and I’d love to hear in the comments what you relate to or if there are other “problems” you have with LOA.

I’m also going to share with you not just the frustrating part but the way I overcame or made sense of the shortfalls of other manifestation teachings.

Here’s the first way manifestation/Law of Attraction teachings fell short for me:

The FRUSTRATION: The disconnect between the idea that we must accept full responsibility, and the idea that we must trust the Universe/God. This creates too much confusion. “Is it my fault or God’s fault I don’t have what I want?” I can’t tell you how many times I asked myself that question.

The RELIEF: Fuck responsibility. I mean… stop thinking about it. Do what you know to do and cultivate the idea that your desire simply can’t NOT happen. It’s not even about trusting the Universe or God (holy shit… I just wrote that!)… It’s about committing to your decision about what you get to experience. (This one takes practice admittedly.)

Here’s the second way manifestation teachings fell short for me:

The FRUSTRATION: Too often, LOA/manifesting is talked about in terms of ‘positive thoughts only.’ But how do you think positively when life sucks, when times are tough, when money’s tight, when food is scarce, when nobody is listening, and nothing is working?????? Haha. I’m poking fun a little, but seriously! It can feel simply IMPOSSIBLE for someone who is struggling to ‘just think your way rich’ (or happy or healthy or loved or anything else).

The RELIEF: You can think bad thoughts. In fact, it’s sure as shit gonna happen, especially if you try to force yourself not to ‘go there.’ But just by coming back to ONE positive idea that’s aligned with what you desire, you can achieve / receive it.

Here’s the third way LOA teachings fell short for me:

The FRUSTRATION: LOA teachers say, “be ready and it will come.” But what about when you keep insisting, “I’m ready, I’m ready,” and it doesn’t show up? And how long is it supposed to take before it shows up? A mindset coach I know has talked about “do the work and clear the blocks and money should show up in two days; if it doesn’t, you didn’t clear all the blocks.” I can’t tell you how that fucked with me. I’ve now spent years TRYING, exerting real EFFORT, to move past the blocks I saw all around me, and I really legitimately fooled myself for a while that it was all about having to clear the blocks.

The RELIEF: It really FUCKING isn’t about clearing blocks. I’d never heard of “blocks” when I was manifesting my soulmate. I just felt whatever came up along the way (doubt, fear, grief, etc) and moved through it, deciding over and over that I could have what I desired.

Share in the comments: Did you struggle with any of these concepts yourself? Is there some other way you feel frustrated with the Law of Attraction?

Looking for additional reading to make sense of how to manifest your desires? Here’s an overview of my 5-step manifesting process >

I’ve been talking and thinking a lot about PASSION. I make sure that the acts I am most passionate about (including writing, journaling, and spending time with my love) are habit and priority in my life. These things are part of my purpose, and with this deep sense of passion and purpose, I find myself unbothered in a way I never used to be.

Things like tech problems would set me off. Raging, I’d be cursing and flipping out. And I’d feel like a crazy person, but unable to stop myself. Why wouldn’t it just work? Why wasn’t anything easy? I gave waaaaay too many fucks about everything.

I was irritable and annoyed so often, and as I grew aware of it, I really started to loathe myself. That’s not who I want to be. I want to be a cool cucumber about the unimportant stuff, and passionate about the good things in life.

I also want this for you.

Mind what matters. Ignore the rest.

Do what you love, and simultaneously….

ACHIEVE MAXIMUM UNBOTHEREDNESS ABOUT THINGS THAT DON’T MATTER.

How do I define things that don’t matter?

There are four main categories where you shouldn’t spend your fucks in a given day:

1. Money spent
2. Other peoples’ expectations and agendas
3. Time wasted
4. Other peoples’ mistakes/faux pas/fuck-ups

Let’s dive deeper with each one.

** Money spent

Sales expert Grant Cardone, who has written several bestselling books and runs a bunch of companies, has talked in videos about how he leaves the air conditioning running in his car all day while in the office, and leaves all the lights on in his house when he exits. People will tell him in a pitch that they can save him money, and he’ll tell them about the car downstairs in the lot. He doesn’t care about the money spent on the gas or electric bill. And this comes from the guy who says his message to the world is that you — and everyone else — NEED millions of dollars.

We can all learn from this. Not necessarily to needlessly burn fossil fuels but to remain unbothered by money flowing out. It’s a lesson I reinforce with myself by buying the things I want even when I think I don’t have the money. And I push my partner to be unbothered.

A couple of stories come to mind…

My boyfriend hadn’t had a winter coat as long as I’d known him. We went into Burlington Coat Factory and found a gorgeous London Fog gray wool coat on sale for $80. Everything else we saw was tacky or not in his size. This was perfect and I loved how it looked on him. He’d never spent so much on a coat and he wondered aloud a few times if we should spend the money. I insisted. “It’s a great quality coat; you’ll have it for years,” I told him. And he has. He’s had that jacket for four winters. To him, spending money on a winter coat wasn’t a necessity. He saw it as almost an extravagance. I pushed him and he’s happy now that we bought it.

Another time, we were at Walmart to get a new tire. We had gone out to our car and found a flat tire. We used a can of fix-a-flat to get us to the nearby Walmart. Chris has connections in the automotive industry so he was standing there grumbling about how much it was going to cost us because we’d come to the nearest place and not the place he would have normally gone for new tires. I shrugged it off. “We need this. Who cares how much it costs?” And let me tell you that because I was so unbothered, we actually saved over $20; we found out I’d read the wrong numbers on the tire and the one we needed was cheaper than the cashier first quoted to us.

There’s an affirmation I love that I got from Florence Scovel Shinn: “I have the magic purse of spirit. It is never depleted. As money goes out, immediately money comes in. It is always crammed, jammed with abundance, under grace, in perfect ways.” Ahhhh!

** Other peoples’ expectations and agendas

Do you think any hotshot in any industry or any area of life who has way more than you’ve allowed yourself to even dream of lets other people set their agendas? NO.

You don’t get to be a leader by letting other people set the agenda. High-performance expert Brendon Burchard has a daily productivity planner page on which he reminds you that an email inbox is simply a convenient way to organize other people’s agendas.

Choose the stuff you’re passionate about first, and choose it every time. I’ve found that in doing this, I experience greater levels of energy throughout the day, more restful sleep and a consistent feeling of satisfaction. It also means that when I do make the decision to take actions as part of other people’s agendas that I’m not as bothered as I used to be.

** Time wasted

This brings me to time wasted. I choose to NEVER look at something as ‘time wasted.’ Time is ABUNDANT, and there’s always more of it. I mean… haven’t you experienced time speeding up or slowing down?

When I was a teenager, my sister asked for Sims 2 for our computer, and I spent HOURS designing new homes for my characters. The time would fly by; like I’d look at the clock and it was 1 p.m. and 10 minutes later the clock read 6 p.m.

I’ve also experienced the miserable slowing of time when waiting at the DMV or feeling sick on the car ride home and feeling the miles drag on.

Time is malleable; it can be manipulated. So even if it feels like you’ve spent your time doing something you wish you hadn’t, it’s a FURTHER waste of time to spend time regretting it.

You have this choice: Learn from each experience or don’t.

If something feels afterward like it was a waste of time, consider if this is something you can learn from and take different action on. For example, waiting for that tire replacement at Walmart, I decided that I would look to hire an assistant who can get paid for waiting when my car needs fixing or in similar situations.

And ALWAYS carry things with you that will make waiting fun and/or productive. I always have my phone and journal with me, and often a book, too. This way I am usually happy even if I’m waiting to be served because I get to spend time doing what I love: exploring my mind, creating my dream life, and writing to share with you all!

** Other peoples’ mistakes/faux pas/fuck-ups

Stop taking other people’s mistakes, faux pas and fuck-ups personally. Unless they intentionally try to hurt you personally, it’s not worth your attention. At least for me, I just can’t get too frustrated by other people. I used to! All the time. And I see others who do this; get annoyed and post a rant about the behaviors/thoughts/words of others that really get on their nerves. I’ve heard other business consultants and coaches give the advice of sharing your opinions and rants whenever they come up. And I might find myself doing that in the future… But right now? I just don’t find myself that annoyed by anybody else. When I realized why I had made the mistakes I’ve made, I took back that power from them. I realize not everyone has the information and beliefs I do that make me different now, and I don’t think that becoming the healer and leader I’m meant to be will come from shaming anybody for their mistakes.

You’re an artist, a leader and you’ve got all the answers, right? Or at least… WAY more answers than a lot of people. How can they get it so wrong all the time?? I get this. But you don’t need to share the answers by ranting about the mistakes of others.

Which of these four categories feels like the most difficult to overcome for you?

I am a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for me to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites.

In the age of Grubhub, Instacart, and free-2-day-shipping from Amazon, it’s super easy to go days without leaving the house. But truth be told, if you’re not practiced at getting out of your head and into your body, any excuse could hold you captive. The process of manifesting, when you do it well, entails taking supreme care of your being even before you have the next experience you desire. Lately I’ve learned that our minds are truly not our allies when it comes to self-nurturing. Let’s talk about it…

“I’m never leaving this couch.”

OK, I don’t think I ever actually said that. But it was the story of my life.

Excuses to avoid leaving the apartment were abundant.

• “I can have my groceries delivered instead of walking to get them!”
• “Ooh, I can order delivery on Grubhub for three meals a day!”
• “Amazon, I will take free 1-day delivery on those lightbulbs!”
• Even, simply, “I don’t want to get all sweaty today.”

I could go days without leaving the apartment.

Self-Nurturing Just Got Way More Active In My Penthouse Apartment 😉

Now I go for a walk pretty much every evening.

It’s true what they say about what you measure, you focus on, and what you focus on, grows.

Last month, I set a goal for the overall number of steps I wanted to have taken in May. The goal was 100,000 steps. I walked at least 104,756 steps in May!

This story of breaking the habit of being sedentary isn’t just that.

It’s also the story of triumph over mind.

Because… again… my mind was an expert at finding excuses to avoid exercise.

It’s been the same experience with quitting sugar. My mind didn’t actually want to quit sugar. My body did. Somehow I started hearing my body over my mind. (To be honest, my brain still pipes up with the mental requests for sugar, especially when I’m feeling stressed out or bored.)

I’m realizing through taking my daily walk and saying no to the copious amounts of sugar I used to consume daily, that I’m more powerful than my mind.

It has also become abundantly clear: My mind is mostly incapable of nurturing me.

My mind is mostly incapable of nurturing me.

Rosella LaFevre, Manifestation Teacher and Long-Haul Master

Self-nurturing, as in the practice of meeting your own needs, is the critical piece of manifesting that doesn’t seem to come up with other teachers.

Your Homework

Below are questions you can consider to gain clarity on what self-nurturing activities will benefit you most right now.

• What do I think I should do to feel my best?
• What would feel really good right now?
• How does my body want to move today?
• What would allow me to feel supported by the Universe?

The questions specifically include one about what you think you should do. Your responses to that question may or may not be supportive of your wellness. Sometimes we “know” in our minds we should do something to feel our best and we still can manufacture excuses.

Do one thing today from the list the above questions helps you to generate. Do it without thinking. Just get moving. Reflect after on how you feel and if you’ll try another self-nurturing activity without thinking first.

Join us in my Free Facebook group for more support >

Drop a comment below about the self-nurturing idea you’re gonna complete today!

A couple of weeks ago, Samantha Parker featured me as a Girl Crush on her site. And, like, no words.

OK, at least two: So cool!

And… a younger Rosella wouldn’t have thought she was girl-crush-worthy. But she hoped to be worthy of a place in the company of one of her girl crushes.

The Critical Moment Asking to Join My Girl Crush in Business

That’s how I found myself seated in a Starbucks in Center City with the fashionable owner of a local PR firm. I’d interviewed her months before for the magazine I started in college. (At the time I doubted that having created my own magazine was admirable since I hadn’t done a fifth issue and hadn’t made any money from it. A perfectionist can always find a reason something isn’t good enough. Ugh.)

So I’d reached out to her and asked if we could talk about working together. I’d been freelancing while I was studying journalism at Temple University and had relationships with local journalists. The ways I knew I could serve included writing pitches, doing social media, and helping her elevate her brand.

I didn’t know anybody else so cool. She did work I had the skills to support. She intrigued me because this woman had built a business with a legit team. It was so different from the kind of entrepreneurship I’d grown up witnessing.

Thus, I probably reeked of desperation.

Everything Leading Up To That Moment

My parents started a business together approximately around the time I was born. For at least a decade, only the two of them worked in the business. Dad briefly attempted working with an employee and it didn’t work. After that, it was years that no one other than my parents worked in the business.

Until I graduated college and freelance journalism failed to pay my bills and I never even heard back on the resumes & cover letters I sent for journalism jobs. Suddenly, Dad had an employee: Me.

I built products by hand and shed a lot of sweat that summer.

And every day I felt depressed. (I didn’t yet know How To Be Happy when something’s bothering you.)

If you get good grades, you can go to a good college, and get a good job. That’s what the world promises! I wondered what the hell I’d networked my ass off for. Wondered why I was one of the hardest working journalism graduates of my class. What had been the point?! UGH.

How Our Starbucks Meeting Worked Out

So that’s where I was emotionally in August 2013 when I met with my girl crush at Starbs to talk about a job. I think I hid my desperation though I couldn’t say for sure.

And we left that day with the plan that I’d start September 1. My job would be 3 days a week, I’d act as a publicist for her and the agency, do social for her and the agency, and I’d also help manage her calendar and emails. I was SO EXCITED.

Before that, I felt lightyears away from my professional goals. Starting the job, I felt closer than ever. It was a great feeling.

I’m Still Surprised About This One

Consider me still totally surprised that 9 months later, my professional goals had changed almost completely. To be honest, I don’t think I really wanted to be a freelance journalist anymore, although I did end up with a part-time job for another publication after I left the agency.

The New Awareness That Changed My Life

What I learned I really want to be: Head of a company of my own, and a thought leader in my own right.

And before I left that agency, I’d secured my first client with a proposal for a full suite of marketing and PR services. Through that client, I received $3,000. What a win!

The woman who gave me the job in her agency was my girl crush, and getting closer to her led to a complete change in the course of my life.

Here’s Your Takeaway…

If you want to make a change in your career or business, get closer to the people you admire in any way possible. (And you can make any number of ways possible.)

Neither you nor I can really say how it will change your life, but know that it will. And that’s how you become your very own girl crush (if you aren’t already).

What It Means To Be Your Own Girl Crush

By the way, when I was interviewed recently for TheSamanthaParker.com, I shared this: “My definition of being my own girl crush [is] recognizing your own strength, ingenuity, grace, love, kindness, and honoring your mistakes. Realizing, and owning that you don’t get to be anyone else in life, so you might as well appreciate you.”

I feel immense gratitude for the people who have played a role in my becoming this person I am today. And also? The versions of me that have been — and that took risks to put us closer to cool people — are fully girl-crush-worthy themselves.

You Can Drop A Comment, Right?

You can share the name of the Girl Crush you can spend more time around! Or your own moment when you showed yourself how Girl-Crush-worthy you are!