I get asked questions about how to manifest, and I LOVE answering! Today’s post is a roundup of some recent manifesting questions you’ve had for me, along with my responses.
Today, I’m answering a manifestation question on finding blocks to manifesting, another on what it means when it didn’t show up on your deadline, and another on how to manifest a neighbor moving. Read on for the wisdom!
Do you know where you can ask me more of your manifestation questions? There’s a free Facebook group called Manifesting Good Shit hosted by me! It’s where I share daily guidance, do live videos, answer every single manifestation question you have, and celebrate your manifesting wins with you!
Manifestation Question 1: What if you don’t know what your blockage is… How did you figure that out?
A: When I manifested the love of my life, and freedom from emotional abuse, and a Penthouse apartment, I didn’t know there were such things as “blocks.”
I deliberately chose to ignore reasons or ideas that said I couldn’t have what I wanted. I processed (FELT & released) any emotion around not having what I wanted, like when I doubted I could find love and made the decision (again) that I would find love. So… maybe don’t look for fucking blocks.
Give yourself whatever you can possibly give yourself right now to meet your own needs whether emotional, mental or physical. The experiences you desire will have no choice but to show up for you then!
We get more of what we think about so if you keep asking what’s blocking your manifestation, you’re going to manifest more “blocks.” More obstacles will show up to keep you from what you want.
I don’t mean to say that you shouldn’t be self-aware or that doing inner work to remove limiting ideas are a waste of time. But… sometimes the thing you need to do to manifest what you want is to take a break from all the inner work, and just BE.
But for those of you craving an action: play with a Sponsoring Thought! I’ve written on my blog about the singular idea that I kept playing with before the love of my life showed up, and I’ll just give it away here:
“I’m the best girlfriend in the world, and any guy is lucky to have me.”
I would make mental lists of why I was the best girlfriend in the world (even when I didn’t have a boyfriend). Playing with that idea, how could the right & perfect-for-me someone NOT show up?! 😉
Manifestation Question 2: How do you cope when something doesn’t specifically manifest? I think I’m manifesting wrong. Not comfortable saying what but, feeling bummed since I’m pretty sure it isn’t happening. Any advice appreciated! FYI I set 3 dates for three events.
A: To be totally honest: I don’t find dates that helpful to me in the manifestation process. When setting a goal or recognizing my desire for a new experience, I don’t usually attach a date to it.
A shift: What if the Universe’s Timing is infinitely better than your own? Sooner is not always better/best!
Manifestation Question 3: Anyone know how to manifest a neighbor moving? Don’t want to go into detail but, she’s the devil. I just ignore her tbh but, she constantly stirs up drama
A: I really wouldn’t devote too much energy to her or to trying to get rid of her, but focus on manifesting cooperation from all people in your life. And really, that looks like: meeting your own needs and being an example of pure love & cooperation to all those who surround you.
Be cooperative with people and examine your thoughts when you find it impossible to be cooperative with someone.
And feel free to repeat some affirmations or afformations that center on how cooperative the whole Universe and everyone in it are!
Affirmations like… “The Universe, and everyone in it, loves me and wants me to enjoy life.” Afformations would be questions like… “Why am I so easy to get along with? What about me brings out only the best in people?” etc.
In this post, you’ll learn the 5-step manifesting process, what you can create when you use it, why my approach to manifesting is foolproof, and what I’ve created using it.
There is a five-step process for creating anything you want. It looks like this:
1️⃣ Practice mindfulness, and specifically stop the negative thought train
2️⃣ Engage creative energy, and take one step toward the desired outcome
3️⃣ Be vulnerable, and take away the power the current circumstances have upon you.
4️⃣ Give it up to grace, and surrender to your desired creation entering life in its own damn way.
5️⃣ Worship your body, and give it whatever it needs.
What else do you need to know?
Honestly, You Can’t Fucq Up Using This 5-Step Manifesting Process
The beautiful thing about these steps? You create while truly practicing all of these steps simultaneously, so you can never truly screw it up. Though there are pitfalls to look out for, and skillful coaching can help you navigate.
These are the same five steps I used to course-correct when I was facing a possible eviction a few years ago (I’ll tell you about this in a future blog post!). They are the steps to manifest solutions to scary problems AND the steps to create awesome good things without drama. (Either way you need to use them, they work!)
THAT’S NOT ALL…
They’re also actually the same steps I took to manifest the love of my life, and we celebrated our 9th anniversary this month!
Intuition told me in April 2018 to cut out gluten and it was the easiest lifestyle change I’d ever made. The benefits have been motivation to remain gluten-free. Recently, I was guided to go sugar-free too… Sugar addiction isn’t agreed upon by scientists but maaaaan, it’s gotta be a real thing. It’s been years that I’ve had to have candy every day! I think my candy habit alone was keeping the nearby gas station in business. Now I’m 5 days sugar-free. This means I’m no expert on quitting sugar, but I wrote this post because I love showing you what I’m up to in my quest to live a better life.
This post covers what quitting sugar means, how to feel satisfied without sugar, some sneaky ways sugar “gets you,” and the biggest takeaway from a sugar-free life!
I knew it couldn’t be good for me to consume as much sugar as I still was. But there was a persistent thought, until very recently, that I could never and would never quit sugar.
What or who inspired me to quit sugar?
For years I’ve heard of friends cutting back on sugar or about people like Gabby Bernstein demonstrating how she makes gluten-free sugar-free treats on her IG story, and both admired these people and thought, I couldn’t do that!
Then fatefully, I was chatting with my soul sister Jacquelynne Kristen Holmes and she told me she’d been studying the carnivore diet. She shared some links with me. And I watched most of the videos. One of the suggested videos on YouTube was an interview of Ken D Berry, MD, author of Lies My Doctor Told Me, who at 54 says he feels better than he did at 40. He credited the carnivore diet for this improvement.
I’ve been watching Dr. Berry and his wife, Neisha Salas-Berry on IG, and some of their videos on YouTube. They’re so compelling to me as a couple and I feel a lot of trust in them, perhaps especially because of their laid back attitude toward making a change for your health. Their message feels clear: Don’t pressure yourself to do it perfectly, just make improvements. Do one thing better today than you did yesterday.
How did I decide to quit sugar?
I honestly don’t remember making a decision in advance that Monday would be my first day sugar-free. I just tried to avoid eating any sugar that day. And when I succeeded, I decided I’d do it the next day.
What symptoms have I experienced since quitting sugar?
Then SYMPTOMS happened.
A headache kicked in at some point on Monday, I believe. Monday night I had taken a nap for a few hours in the evening. I woke from that nap after the CRAZIEST dream I’ve ever had, which ended with a baby sitting in the street, surrounded by three other babies it had beheaded. #WHATTHEFUCKWASTHAT
I went back to sleep at around 1 a.m. on Tuesday morning. My alarm was set for 7:30 a.m. But I woke up multiple times in those early morning hours. When I woke up I was sweating and felt so nauseous. Maybe T.M.I. but I am seriously surprised I didn’t puke.
I debated calling out of work. I pushed myself to go in and I felt like death, especially with the headache I had. So I made it through four hours and left early. I have been finding excuses to walk our neighborhood every day lately, and I wondered how exercise would help the discomfort I was feeling so I walked to the shops nearby and the library. The walk felt good, but I still had the headache, and I think I took a nap again that night, waking up around 9 p.m. I fell asleep again around 12 a.m. knowing I once again faced an alarm at 7:30 a.m. I woke at some time between 5 and 6 a.m. slightly sweaty and feeling like I needed to go to the bathroom. I laid back down and fell asleep again until my alarm.
I think it’s worth noting that both of these nights I had nausea and sweating, we had our air conditioner on full blast. The A/C didn’t seem to help at all. Ugh.
On Wednesday I woke up and felt much better. I still had a slight headache that manifested along a line on the left side of my head. I finally caved and took ibuprofen. Then I felt 99% perfectly well!
Yesterday was Day 4. Today is Day 5 and I feel pretty fantastic.
What does sugar-free mean in this blog post?
Started by cutting out the sugar from my coffee 10 days ago.
No ice cream.
Avoiding anything with “added sugar” on the label or sugar in the ingredients.
Also, no chips, or other similar snack foods.
Have I truly consumed 0 grams of ‘sugar’?
No. (Hey, being honest here!)
I’ve had half-n-half in my coffee to void using sugar, and the brand of half-n-half in my fridge has 1 gram of sugar per serving. (More on my coffee below.)
Wednesday and Thursday I’ve had up to three tablespoons of Teddie natural peanut butter. It has no added sugar but does have, like, 3 grams of carbohydrates per serving.
I think there’s a little bit of sugar in the bacon I’ve been eating; will look for a different brand without added sugar. I suspect based on one of Neisha’s YouTube videos that the Wright brand might be a good alternative.
What did I eat in a day before quitting sugar?
Normal for me to eat/drink in a day before quitting sugar:
Coffee with ~3tbsp of sugar.
Maybe a second cup with ~3tbsp of sugar.
Fries with cheese and bacon at lunch.
Plain old spring or filtered water throughout the day.
Chips or homemade hash browns after work.
Other veggies a couple of hours later, like brussels sprouts or cabbage. (Or more potatoes if that’s all I had.)
Maybe protein like salmon or a burger or a pork chop.
Caaaaaaaaaaaaaaaandy. Maybe Sour Patch Watermelons, or king sized Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups, or a Milky Way, or a Snickers.
It all tasted so good. LOL
What HAVE I been eating?
No breakfast, just coffee. (More on my coffee below. And yes, I like fasting.)
For these four days, I’ve still had mega fries at lunch; that’s fries with mozzarella cheese and bacon (I order them without cheese whiz).
Black Angus burger eaten like “steak,” topped with butter and shredded parmesan cheese, and/or two eggs over easy. 4-5 half-strips of bacon on the side. Something interesting? I eat the eggs and/or burger and often find myself not feeling hungry for the last 2-3 half strips of bacon on the side.
A couple of days I’ve had beef jerky (focus on it being gluten-free! and also checked to ensure no sugar added) bought at the gas station.
Like I mentioned above, a couple of days I’ve had about 3 tablespoons of peanut butter. It’s not keto but it feels like a better choice to me than the things I used to stuff in my face, and I think at some point I’ll eliminate this too.
Have I totally eliminated all the sugar from my home?
No. There’s a 4-lb tub of sugar that will be for Chris’ coffee. There’s an open bag of Starburst Jelly Beans in Chris’ space, but I did ask him to hide them out of sight because the bright colors on the bag were tempting me. (I didn’t give in!) I have an open box of gluten-free Eggos in the freezer that I don’t know if or when I’ll finish (they have 4 grams of added sugar per serving which doesn’t seem like a lot, but I’m avoiding them for now). I’m really very super proud of how strong my willpower is!
Wanna know more about my coffee? (No, I’m NOT selling you anything.)
I returned to using half-n-half in my coffee about 10 days ago so that I could stop adding sugar. (I simply do not enjoy it black without sugar.) If you know anybody who does Keto, they probably swear by heavy whipping cream and/or butter in their coffee. I don’t yet have a frother to add butter and… sorry… I haven’t been able to bring myself to spend $8 on a quart of HWC. So I use up to 2 ounces of half-n-half with like 10 ounces of coffee. Starting today I added a pinch of unprocessed pink Himalayan salt to my coffee, which really helped me feel satisfied, and made the half-n-half taste more like true Bulletproof coffee (which I have had and it honestly amazing!).
What else do I plan to add in or try since quitting sugar?
Adding the minerals Potassium / Magnesium / Iodine into my coffee.
Choosing a brand of bacon, specifically looking for one that has no added sugar.
Try longer fasts; there’s a state where our bodies destroy old broken cells and build new ones and its thought to be reached most effectively by fasting for 48-72 hours; dunno if I’ll ever go THAT long but I have made it 19 hours before… So I’m going to test myself!
What’s my motivation for quitting sugar?
To start, quitting sugar been about proving to myself that I CAN do it.
My goal is to see some weight loss from this and generally just feel even better than ever so that I want to continue to abstain from sugar just because it feels so good.
What’s been my biggest takeaway from quitting sugar?
Since quitting sugar, I’m truly, radically aware of how much I turned to sugar for emotional satisfaction. I am hit with a craving for a candy bar after lunch. If I come home from work feeling hungry and tired, the thing I crave is a quick sugar fix. If I’m bored, I wanna eat sweets.
I catch myself wanting to slam sugar down my throat multiple times a day. I let the craving come up and I decide that it would actually be disgusting to eat sugar. Then I intentionally switch activities as a distraction.
I see a lot of room in my life for more excitement that doesn’t come from a sugar product, and even though a small part of me judges myself for it, the larger part of me finds that notion inspiring. Realizing how much capacity you have for introducing new fun & rewards feels like a gift!
Do you have advice for someone else who wants to quit sugar?
Firstly, let’s recap this: I’m NOT a health coach or health professional. I’m only sharing my personal experience here!
Empower yourself to change one way you consume sugar, like how I started by removing sugar from my coffee. From there you’ve got momentum. I did that for a week until I was ready and able to go a full day without any added sugars and no candy.
By the time I realized, very late on day 2, that the pains and unpleasantness I was experiencing were because of quitting sugar, I was committed. Yeah, I totally thought about going to the vending machine in the lobby for a quick “fix” in the form of a Snickers bar. But I googled side effects of going sugar-free and realized that if I gave in, I’d just have to experience this shit again at a later date. That was when I decided to push through.
I also made a conscious decision then that quitting sugar could be as painless as quitting gluten had been. Following that decision, the sugar-free side effects I experienced — as unpleasant as they were — ended on day 3.
So if you’re flirting with quitting sugar, I highly suggest you make a firm conscious decision that the experience will be easy for you. Then stick to it, even if you’re dealing with nausea, sweating and/or disaster pants or constipation. Remember it won’t last forever. (But you’re safe to see a doctor if you need to!)
Update! Sugar-Free Day 7 (May 26)
A friend asked me on Day 5 after I published this blog post how it was going, and I shared with her that every time I’m even slightly hungry, my mind still asks for sugar. But as I wrote to her, “I’m smarter than my mind.”
That’s the most exciting part of this for me: Realizing *I* have control over my mind, even when it comes to food. Exercising this control over my mind is a sexy reward that is easy to perpetuate because I feel so damn proud of myself.
Now it’s Day 7 since quitting sugar and in the past few days I’ve completely cut out added sugar (as you may have noted above, I was still eating bacon that had some added sugar). Yesterday I was at Walmart and the only brand I could find with no-sugar-added was Gwaltney. So I bought the 3-pound package and… YUM.
As I write this update, I’m sipping on black sugar-free coffee (with a little dash of pink Himalayan salt) for the first time. I didn’t add in half-n-half because I thiiiiink half-n-half breaks a fast and I’m still fasting at the moment. Want to see how long I can fast today.
As for fasting… I’ve done up to 19 hours fasting before but I also realize that that was on a day when I’d eaten high-carb the day before… and I think the amount of calories I’ve eaten each day the past two days is really low so I’m not going to push myself or endure any unnecessary pain with fasting today.
But I’m not gonna lie… I’ve been researching sugar-free treats and no-churn ice cream recipes. I TOTALLY have my eye on The Keto Cookie sampler pack, maybe as a special treat for my birthday (on June 28th). The Keto Cookie brand’s treats are seriously low-carb, look utterly delicious and are made with natural sugar alternatives. Worth checking out if you’re going to quit sugar or maybe have a diabetic in your life who still loves to eat cookies! (And I’m just sharing because I’ve spent a few hours looking at sugar-free treats online; it’s been my alternative to actually stuffing my face with sugar LOL.)
Yesterday, I not only had absolutely no added sugar in any of my food (again, that Gwaltney bacon is YUM)… I also ate only like… 10 grams of carbs all day. I’m excited that a day of low-carb eating gets to feel like such a win!
Comment below with your questions or share your own experiences cutting sugar!
Sometimes awful, embarrassing, low-down, I’m-the-worst-life-is-never-ever-getting-better, can-this-please-not-be-real shit happens. Like having your card declined for $13 of food at the Dollar Tree when you’re waiting for more money to come in. And it’s totally justifiable to let that make you feel miserable. Or you could… you know… Be happy now.
Let’s take a look at how you can be happy now…
R.S.V.P. NO to misery. Stop delaying your gratification. Choose HappyHappyJoyJoy NOW.
First, a story. It was 2017.
I only had one credit card with me. I was grabbing groceries. The card got declined. I stalked out, leaving my carefully selected items at checkout.
Outisde, I called the credit card company.
First, I shouted. Then, I cried. Sobbed hysterically, actually, on the phone with the card company’s service person.
I had carefully planned this. I was counting on these food items to carry two of us through until the next anticipated client payment.
This could really ruin a person’s day! But it didn’t ruin mine, and in fact I taught myself that day how to choose to be happy now. Read on…
Be Happy Now Step 1: Bring Awareness to Your Current Circumstances and How You’re Responding
What did I do? I brought awareness to the situation and my response.
As I talked and as she talked and as I sat on hold, the thought rampage I had was painful. I put my attention there: on noticing the thoughts racing through my stressed out mind.
I actually sat there, waiting while the customer service person ‘investigated’ and wrote down all the thoughts that made me feel shittier than the simple experience of having my card declined for $13 of stuff.
My thoughts looked like this:
I don’t understand why I keep manifesting my card getting declined and being embarrassed I can’t pay for something
I am so weary
I am so, so tired
I feel so wrong all the time
Wrong that I don’t have money
Wrong that I can’t just have a day job and be satisfied
Wrong that I claim to be worth more but don’t receive it
Be Happy Now Step 2: Sprinkle Wisdom on the Shitty Thoughts
Reviewing the list of thoughts I’d just typed out, I decided to apply some wisdom. At the top of the list, I typed a new word.
That’s exactly what any thought that makes us feel worthless, wrong, less than, or just plain sick to our stomachs, is; it’s a LIE. It’s bullshit.
But also? Thank goodness for the bullshit and the doubt we sometimes (or maybe frequently) feel! Embracing the doubt helps us manifest what we desire, including happiness, as counter-intuitive as that may appear.
Be Happy Now Step 3: See the Bigger Picture
That’s OK that bullshit thoughts and lies show up for you. It’s probably a sign that you’ve made a decision to move forward.
When we decide to uplevel, the part of our brains that wants to keep us safe may create drama in an effort to pull us back from the ledge.
This happens, and again, it’s OK. You’re SAFE.
Be Happy Now Step 4: Finish Feeling The Yucky Stuff
So I sat there, typing out the lies in my head that were making me sick. I sobbed, my shoulders jackhammering.
Even as I let myself go there, a voice in my head was pulled back from it, observing, listening to the sound of my sobs. This consciousness that observed my reaction quietly held space.
So, I cried a lot that afternoon. I just let it happen.
Any thought that makes us feel worthless, wrong, less than, or just plain sick to our stomachs, is a LIE.
Rosella LaFevre, Manifestation Teacher and Long-Haul Master
Be Happy Now Step 5: Give Your Body What It Needs & Monitor Its Signals
After hanging up with the credit card’s customer service who explained that my bank took back a payment it had allowed to process through to the card, I came back upstairs to my penthouse apartment and I laid down for 10 minutes.
I felt how part of me wanted to hold onto anger and upset over my card getting declined, and another part of me knew that holding onto that anger wouldn’t serve.
Be Happy Now Step 6: Notice Unproductive Thought Patterns & Interrupt Them
I heard an old record in my head. “I’ll be happy when the next sale comes in, I’ll be happy when something changes, I’ll be happy when I get…”
All these thoughts were contributing to my feeling unhappy. I recognized them as an old & unproductive thought pattern.
I pulled the needle off that old record when I chose to ask, “What would I receive if I decided to be happy NOW?” This is an example of an afformation, where you pose an affirmation in the form of a question.
You can also use regular affirmations to interrupt old thought patterns.
Now over to you! Leave a comment and tell me: Are you happy? If not, can you allow yourself to be, regardless of what’s happening outside of you?
The dishes were piled high in the sink. I was pissed. I huffed and puffed as I cleaned the dishes I needed to make food for my boyfriend and me.As I rev’d up for an argument, I coached myself and experienced what I really wanted: Cooperation and love.
We’ve had less than 10 fights in our 9+ years together. Ready to learn something that could help you stop fighting with your boyfriend?
The dishes were piled high in the sink. I was pissed. I huffed and puffed as I cleaned the dishes I needed to make food for my boyfriend and me.
I thought, Why didn’t I do the dishes last night? But also, why doesn’t he just see they need to be done and do them for me? Doesn’t he know how happy and grateful I would be if he did that without me needing to ask? WHY do I need to fucking ask?
Not that I always do all the things that need doing around here, but I always SEE the things super clearly. You know. The dishes need to be done. The stove needs a DEEP clean. The stainless steel appliances are somehow, magically, stained. There’s a perpetual pile of dirty laundry. You know. ALL the damn things.
And I observed myself letting the frustration and anger build. I wanted to roar at my man for not doing the dishes, for “NEVER” helping around here. That’s never worked well before… And so I centered myself enough to calmly say, “Hey, babe. It would make me feel like a super grateful Queen if you would do these dishes before I come back later tonight. Can you do that before I get back?” (Emphasis on before I come home!)
He said he would.
And get this: I found myself back at the office (yeah, I have a day job) wondering if he would actually do it. Or if I’d come home to the dirty dishes still piled high. And part of me started to build momentum behind the idea he didn’t. I felt myself starting to grow CERTAIN that he wouldn’t do it and I’d come home to feel angry and resentful.
It dawned on me… I think just on the brief walk home… that I was leaning toward — choosing — to not have my desires honored, and more awfully, I was WANTING the FIGHT.
*As I write this, I realize, it was probably because I’m so used to having that fight over “you don’t do anything around here,” that my body craved the chemical brew it makes when we have that fight….*
Want to stop fighting with your boyfriend? Make peace with the parts of you that crave the fight and its effects, including on your hormones!
And so, as I walked from the elevator to our apartment door, I thought firmly and clearly, “I want to open the door and find that he’s done the dishes. I don’t want the fight. I want to feel happy and be grateful to him.”
To stop fighting, decide you get to have what you want more than the fight: Love.
After I opened the door, I heard the dishwasher. He must have put the dishes in just 10-15 minutes before I came home.
And I thanked him before I even got my coat off.
So if you catch yourself building for a fight, it’s time to ask: DO I WANT A FIGHT MORE THAN I WANT COOPERATION?
You get to choose different any moment of any day.
Share in the comments: What do you think? Can you try this?
I daresay I found my soulmate early in life because of these 3 powerful tips I’m going to share with you today.
Ready to read these 3 powerful tips to help you manifest your soulmate?
It was a month before my 19th birthday when I saw a guy had checked out my OKCupid profile, and I messaged him. That night in May 2010 we went on our first date. Seeing as we’re celebrating our 9th anniversary this week, I’m qualified to share some tips for manifesting your own soulmate!
By doing what I’m going to share with you in this article, I met and fell in love with a man who I have lovingly described as the safe place from which I’ve been able to blossom.
I’ve grown more outgoing, more assertive, more confident, and in so many more ways than I can describe. But I only grew so much because I knew he saw me. Saw me the way I saw me. Saw me the way NO ONE ELSE EVER HAD.
That should give you a hint of the emotional stakes I felt when I was manifesting my soulmate…
I remember how excited I was as a kid for every holiday. As Thanksgiving or Easter approached, I was practically bouncing in my seat, ready to see my cousins and aunts and uncles and my grandmother. I’d build it up in my head. So excited to see them. As an adult, I can’t remember what exactly I thought would happen, but it was like knowing you were going to win the lottery. And then… at some point during the day, I would inevitably experience the crash you feel when the lotto numbers are called and you fuckin’ lost.
Growing up, that sense of emptiness like I’d lost something big was actually pretty persistent.
It didn’t matter WHERE I was… that emptiness followed.
How can I describe the craving I felt for love, kinship, community, BELONGING?
I generally had the sense that I was like nobody else around. No one GOT me. And though I tried, I didn’t really GET them either.
As a teenager, my only hope was that I’d someday find a guy who did get me. I prayed that my soulmate would come along, and fast. This brings me to my first tip for help you manifest your soulmate…
Manifest Your Soulmate Tip 1: Visualize, but more than that… imagine the FEELS
I spent time in visualization, though I wasn’t aware that this was a creative method that would actually bring him to me… I pictured, as my mother drove us somewhere and we sang along to cheesy ’80s music, that I’d someday be driving alongside my soulmate, the two of us singing the same songs I was now singing. I imagined taking my future beau to family gatherings. Imagined him having discussions with my male cousins about sports. I imagined the wholeness I would feel when standing by his side.
Get help to feel the feelings of having manifested your soulmate with my free “Luxuriate in the Having of It” meditation. Enter your details below and click that button 😉
Manifest Your Soulmate Tip 2: Learn to Recognize Near-Fits, and Hold Out for Perfect Fits
My path to my boyfriend taught me that there are near-fits and perfect fits, and you should definitely hold out for the perfect fit.
“You deserve to be YOU. Any change you’re going to make should be a change you want to make. Those around you — and I mean everyone — should be happy to support you in building your life the way you want and let go of their notions of what your life is supposed to look like.”
Rosella LaFevre, Long-Haul Master and Manifestation Teacher
Before Chris came a few other guys but one in particular comes to mind. He is a great guy, and I really hope he found his perfect fit, but we weren’t it. And yet… Spending the weekend at his house, hanging out with his mom was the first time in a while I’d felt at home. His mom was a real person. She wore her flaws on her sleeve but she was loving and kind. In the brief time I spent around her, she showed me unconditional love, of which I’d been starved for a while.
That relationship taught me that I could feel that homey feeling again but I could also hold out for someone who wouldn’t need me to change…
Here’s a really specific example: That boyfriend told me I’d have to learn how to drive if we were going to stay together. The truth is I had one lesson behind the wheel of a Buick Rainier at 16 years old and that was enough for me. To this day, I have no desire to drive. Chris has never forced the issue, never told me I need to drive. He’s happy to be my chauffeur. And now there’s Uber, so that’s awesome…
You deserve to be YOU. Any change you’re going to make should be a change you want to make. Those around you — and I mean everyone — should be happy to support you in building your life the way you want and let go of their notions of what your life is supposed to look like.
If they don’t? Call them in. (And while these tips work for manifesting your romantic soulmate partner, they also work for calling in soulmate friends, soulmate clients, and soulmate employees!)
Manifest Your Soulmate Tip 3: Ruthlessly Edit Toxicity from Your Life
You can also take action to remove the toxicity from your life that prevents your soulmates from coming to you. If there isn’t any toxicity in your life, that’s great! But there was in mine. And truthfully, I didn’t eliminate these beyond-sour relationships until after I met my boyfriend, cutting these ties I’m going to tell you about helped me to manifest a soul family.
“Clearing space for the people who will LOVE you as you are while empowering you to grow may be painful at the start, but it is rewarding as fuck. I promise.”
Rosella LaFevre, Long-Haul Master and Manifestation Teacher
Here’s the most potent example I can give you of this…
Most of that very same family I used to be ecstatic about seeing each Easter (and on every other major holiday) are people I no longer talk to. My parents’ ugly divorce really forced the issue… And I decided to say “ta-ta for now” to my maternal family.
There was anger on their side that I refused to exile my father. And I was pissed as hell that they were trying to make me pick sides. Right before my college graduation I allowed my mother to effectively disown me…
This left a void. I had no idea how I would spend my holidays now. I decided I would never go back until I am apologized to, and that still hasn’t happened nearly 6 years later.
I missed the big family gatherings, though. I missed being surrounded by lots of people, and I craved, even if I didn’t realize it at the time, finding a family that would love me unconditionally.
So the last I saw my mother and her family was Easter Sunday in 2013.
By Thanksgiving 2013, I was invited with my father to spend holidays with a family we’d known for years. These beautiful people are who I’ve spent every Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Easter with in the years since.
Clearing space for the people who will LOVE you as you are while empowering you to grow may be painful at the start, but it is rewarding as fuck. I promise.
Manifest Your Soulmate: 3 Powerful Tips Recap
Tip 1: Visualize, but more than that… Imagine the FEELS
Tip 2: Learn to Recognize Near-Fits, and Hold Out for Perfect Fits
Tip 3: Ruthlessly Edit Toxicity from Your Life
Manifest Your Soulmate with This Homework
Take some time today to envision (with or without putting pen to paper: your choice) the soulmates you’re making space for, whether they’re a romantic partner, fans of your work, paying clients, or a “new” family that gets you. Here are some prompts for your reflection:
How will your life change when you manifest your soulmate (or soulmates)?
How will you feel when you manifest your soulmate, a person who is a perfect fit for you?
In your past relationships, how did you know they were only a near fit and not a perfect fit?
Who is already in your life — loving you, supporting you — and why are you grateful for them?
Who in your life doesn’t deserve to be there, and makes your life worse in any/some/so many ways?
How can you release toxic relationships from your life? What would that take?
The simplest way to turn thoughts to things? The Sponsoring Thought.
What’s a Sponsoring Thought?
A Sponsoring Thought is described by Neale Donald Walsch, author of the Conversations With God series, as “a deep-seated initial idea that we already have what we are not now experiencing.”
Below I share with you my favorite example from my life of a Sponsoring Thought, and how it helped me turn thoughts to things (or, an experience that changed my life!).
How a Sponsoring Thought Can Turn Thoughts to Things
How it works:
1) Know what you want. 2) Figure out one thought that would absolutely make you equal to the desired outcome. You can call this one thought a Sponsoring Thought. 3) Play with the thought (thinking it over, writing it, saying it aloud, and letting it take root).
Before I manifested the love of my life, I came to deeply believe I was the world’s best girlfriend (and this was when I had no boyfriend to speak of) and that whoever I ended up with would be the world’s luckiest man.
I was 18 when we met and we’re celebrating our 9th anniversary next month.
That Sponsoring Thought that said I’m the world’s best girlfriend is absolutely a HUGE reason why my soulmate showed up for me. By repeatedly playing with that idea, I made it feel real that I already had the kind of love I desired and deserved, and that paved the way for him to show up!
Other Examples of Sponsoring Thoughts to Help You Turn Thoughts to Things
If you wanted to make a lot of money, you could practice a Sponsoring Thought like, “Money finds me irresistible.”
If you wanted to travel the world, you could practice a Sponsoring Thought like, “I am a citizen of the world.”
If you want to get pregnant and be a mother, you could practice a Sponsoring Thought like, “I’m the best mom in the world.”
If you wanted to make the investment in LONG-HAUL MASTERY and turn it into amazing long-term manifestations, you might practice a Sponsoring Thought like “I’m a Long-Haul Master like Rosella and manifesting long-term good is so freaking easy.” 😉
Comment below the Sponsoring Thought you’re going to play with!
Abraham Hicks teaches many seminars on how to let go of doubt and get over resistance. Abraham Hicks has said, “We say, no, your doubt is the indication that you’re killing this project with contradictory thought.”
So many other Manifestation Teachers hype you up into thinking that any negative feeling, like doubt, keeps you from receiving or manifesting your desires.
I say: Not so! You can embrace doubt to manifest your desires.
Doubt can be harmless to the process of manifestation. Sure, doubt could stop you from successful manifestation. (And I’ll cover below the one way you can allow doubt to stop you from receiving.) But it doesn’t have to if you’ll do the two things I’ll tell you below! Let me show you how to embrace doubt.
And let’s begin with a very simple principle: Yes, you can receive the experience you desire if you feel bad before you have it.
You can doubt and still receive it. You can fear and still receive it. You can grieve and still receive it. You can feel unworthy and still receive it.
Heavens, do you actually think every person who becomes a parent feels worthy before they have their kids?! When you think of it this way, it’s pretty easy to see how you could embrace doubt and receive what you desire to manifest, right?
The human part of you can’t hold you back from what your soul knows will serve the growth of every part of you. That’s why it’s safe to embrace doubt when manifesting.
Rosella LaFevre, Long-Haul Master and Manifestation Teacher
I Doubted Just Before I Received One of the Biggest, Most Meaningful Manifestations of my Life
Let me take you back in time…
February 2010: I lay on a twin bed, plastic mattress cover crinkling as I rolled over. The huge 8th-floor corner dorm room was dark. Earbuds in, I listened to John Mayer crooning and felt hot tears slide down my cheeks. Feeling so alone, I cried for the love I didn’t have. Every love song I’d ever heard had promised me a love I had begun to think I would never receive. And I wondered, where the hell is he? The mythical He.
May 2010: I lay on my leopard print sheets in my pink-striped childhood bedroom staring at my white MacBook. Logged into the dating site OKCupid, I saw that a guy had checked out my profile. He was a writer like me. I sent him a message and hours later we were on a date listening to The Get Up Kids in his car.
August 2010: I lay in the dark in another bed — his Queen bed — with the guy. We snuggled and listened as the iPod Video plucked from my library the song “Yellow” by Coldplay. We picked it as our song.
See, I experienced doubt and despair as I prepared myself to receive my dream partner, but I always held out hope. I deeply believed that if it were POSSIBLE (and everything is possible!), then eventually it would happen for me that I’d find love.
The Only Way Doubt Could Stop You From Manifesting
There’s just one way that your doubt could keep you from receiving the experience, thing, person you desire in your life. Can you guess how that would happen? With your consent.
OK… that was half the answer. Let’s rewind and check in on what actually is doubt, on what it means to experience doubt.
To doubt (verb), is to feel uncertain about something.
When you doubt, you look at the world around you and allow yourself to buy into the idea that the experience you desire isn’t happening, and possibly can’t or won’t at all happen. The experience of doubting itself is often just a train of thought that we latch onto, continue thinking, and allow to feed our emotions and create inner turmoil. And, like, it’s really not that big a fucking deal… Unless or until you allow it to stop you from taking action.
Manifestation pretty much always requires action. (In fact, I can’t think of a single thing or way you could manifest that wouldn’t require some action.)
Receiving money requires you to notice you have it. To receive money you must deposit a check, ask someone for payment, send along wire transfer information, or even simply log into your banking app to see, hey, there’s money there! (Did the money exist before you observed it?)
Receiving a love relationship requires you to connect with another human being. That requires the speaking of words, the looking of looks, putting yourself in a place where you can be found by someone. Heck, it might require only that you open the door when a salesperson comes or the cable technician. But it certainly requires action.
Receiving a job requires you to take any number of actions: Telling others you’re looking, preparing a resume, getting clear on what work you want to do, possibly getting additional training or certifications.
And so… Doubt only has as much power to block manifestations as you give it. And you only really give it that power when you allow it to mean you should quit taking action.
In that case, if you were to allow doubt that power over you, if you did quit taking action in the direction of your desires, then maybe it’s because you didn’t really want the thing. And that’s perfectly cool! Perfectly valid! If that happens, then the doubt served you very well.
Embrace Doubt Knowing It Can’t Stop Shit – Your Wild Hopes Are Surer Than You Know!
It was a Wild Hope that I’d receive love from a man who could love me unconditionally. I didn’t grow up with examples of healthy relationships. My parents threw things at each other when I was very young. They were separated by the time I turned 15. My maternal grandparents’ marriage fell apart in the late 80s before I was born in 1991. My paternal grandmother passed away when my dad was a toddler and my paternal grandfather passed before I was born.
I think the only example I’d ever seen of a strong relationship was the couple who lived next door, and had me call them Aunt Alice and Uncle John. We attended their 50th wedding anniversary after they moved and before they passed away.
So why I ever thought it would be or had to be possible for me was kind of… wild! I definitely doubted at times. But I also held firm that it had to be possible and as long as it were possible, I’d keep showing up and taking action to put myself in the place where it could find me.
And ultimately, I was kind of young when it did! In May 2010 when Chris and I met, I was excited to be turning 19 the following month.
The amazing thing? Our love was always. going. to. happen.
Doubt can’t stop what your soul is determined to deliver to you.
Rosella LaFevre, Long-Haul Master and Manifestation Teacher
My soul knew Chris was coming to me. Or that it was bringing me to him. (However you choose to view that!) What do I mean? Well, five years before we met, I dreamed a very vivid dream. Emotionally vivid. I felt unconditional, soul-stirring, heart-warming love in a dream. I actually thought the dream was about my crush at the time, one of the young guys who worked at the Rita’s water ice stand whose name I still didn’t know at the time. In the dream a name was revealed to me: Christopher.
Here’s a picture of the journal entry where I recorded the dream:
I LOVE that I found this journal entry a couple of years after Chris and I met so that I could show you how inevitable your own Wild Hopes and desires are! Your soul is guiding you. It’s the human part of you that doubts. The human part of you can’t hold you back from what your soul knows will serve the growth of every part of you. That’s why I say you should embrace doubt; it can’t stop what your soul is determined to deliver to you.
How to Embrace the Doubt (The 2 Things You Must Do)
I’ve shown you, with an example from my life, how doubt doesn’t mean you don’t get to have what you desire. You can manifest when you embrace doubt, which is done in two very simple steps:
Express your doubt. Feel it. Process it by allowing it a voice. (You might journal it out. You might just watch something that helps you to cry and move it with your tears. Or whatever else you find works for you.)
Keep taking action in the direction of your dreams. I’m not telling you that you need to take action in any specific time frame. But you just keep marching forward. I can’t tell you how many different matches I tried on a dating site before I met Chris. I just kept making myself available for the love I desired to find me. Be like 18-year-old Rosella who kissed frogs to find her prince. (And know it’s OK to set boundaries and have standards, but that’s probably a topic for another post!)
Seriously? I actually deeply love the moments when I doubt. I embrace doubt because doubt has preceded every amazing thing I’ve done. And then I did it anyway. So when I feel doubt now, or a big steaming pile of grief over something that hasn’t happened (yet), I know I’m about to do the amazing!
Now that you know how to embrace doubt to manifest what you desire, read about divine timing!
She needed help. She needed to feel safe. She needed a home. And we didn’t think we were ready. The Universe had other plans.
WHAT IS DIVINE TIMING? WHEN WILL I GET WHAT I WANT?
Let’s answer your questions about divine timing.
Tootsie is the newest member of our family.
She waddled into our lives on November 9. Let’s talk about Tootsie and then about manifesting!
She was found outside, needing a bath, back legs not working well, and her breathing raspy. She was thought to be in labor or even poisoned. She went to a vet and then the people who found her needed to find her a safe place for the weekend, in out of the cold. I volunteered our apartment home.
I sort of immediately became a cat mom. I was studying her face, her body. I tried to pet her. And I begged her to poop before noon the next day.
And she DID! Overnight, she pooped and I was literally SO EXCITED to see the poop in the pan when I woke up.
She was eating. And enjoying rubs more frequently. And drinking water. And more pooping. Haha
I wanted to give her a new name to honor her new life with us. Nothing was coming to me immediately. And then a few days ago, I was talking to her and used “Tootsie” as a nickname and I KNEW in my body, this is her name!
I’d been mentally/energetically preparing for cat ownership for a while before she showed up. My thoughts were turning to cat ownership many times a week for at least a month before Tootsie showed up.
I’d feel how much I loved the idea of bringing a cat into our home while honoring my fears and doubts about being ready; and then just before I let my thoughts wander to other subjects, I’d surrender, “It’ll happen when it’s meant to happen.” I wasn’t taking any actions toward it. I just let my thoughts and feelings line up with a cat entering my life when it was meant to, and I took action when I knew I needed to take action (saying yes to taking her for “the weekend”).
About Divine Timing
Divine timing may not LOOK convenient. It may not feel like you’re ready yet. Actually… you might as well call Divine Timing this instead: Looks-Totally-Illogical Timing.
– Rosella LaFevre, Long-Haul Master and Manifestation Teacher
Once I saw her in those first moments, I KNEW she was going to be my furever pet. I was afraid to admit it, but I knew. Because I’d been preparing*, though I hadn’t prepared for a pet in any specific time frame, and this was divine timing. Divine timing may not LOOK convenient. It may not feel like you’re ready yet. (I had multiple moments of surrendering to the idea that I could do this and do this NOW.) There’s another name for Divine Timing that you can use: Looks-Totally-Illogical Timing!
How Preparation Plays into Divine Timing
I was only vaguely aware that I was mentally/energetically preparing for owning my first cat as an adult. (I grew up in a house with as many as four cats at a time so I’ve always loved them but I didn’t believe I was ready to own one yet.) Still, that’s what was happening.
My thoughts were turning to cat ownership many times a week for at least a month before Tootsie showed up. I’d feel how much I loved the idea of bringing a cat into our home while honoring my fears and doubts about being ready; and then just before I let my thoughts wander to other subjects, I’d surrender, “It’ll happen when it’s meant to happen.” I wasn’t taking any actions toward it. I just let my thoughts and feelings line up with a cat entering my life when it was meant to, and I took action when I knew I needed to take action (saying yes to taking her for “the weekend”).
The lessons here about divine timing and energetic preparation apply to any new experience you’ve asked to receive (no matter the degree to which you’ve consciously asked for it). This is manifesting.
Have you ever manifested something when it felt like you so were not ready? What does the story of Tootsie’s arrival in our lives bring up for you? You’re invited to share in the comments!
Circular driveway, Penthouse Apartment, 24/7 Security, Key Fob Access, Walk-in Closet, Subway Tile backsplash in the brand new kitchen, biggest bathroom I’ve EVER had…
CAN YOU HONESTLY SAY YOU’RE TURNED ON BY THE HOME YOU’VE CREATED FOR YOURSELF?
One night, I was waiting for a food delivery. As I drafted a text message to the guard in the lobby to let them know a delivery would be coming, I had to choose a word to refer to the floor I live on.
See… three years before that night my boyfriend and I moved out of the apartment with his mom and her boyfriend on the lease, where we were sleeping on couches, into our second apartment together. We still live here. It’s on the top floor of a high-rise in Northeast Philadelphia, overlooking one of the city’s beautiful parks, with a balcony, and a totally brand new kitchen and bathroom with motherfuckin’ subway tile.
We were so excited, and relieved, and did I mention EXCITED?! A space of our own again, that we could do with as we please, and where we were meant to be. And another cool thing: while the building’s other floors have numbered buttons in the elevator, the button for my floor says “PH” for penthouse.
(AND you have to swipe a key fob to even PRESS the button for the penthouse! Like, kind neighbors who live below us who get on the elevator first ask where we’re going so they can press the button for us, and we have to say, “I’ve gotta get it, thank you!”)
Like… We’re fucking special.
Chris has, since we moved in, called us “penthouse people,” with ownership, pride. And I couldn’t. I couldn’t call the floor we live on anything other than the “10th floor.” I would never dare say penthouse.
But that night 3 years after we moved in, as I drafted the text to the guard… I realized why I wasn’t just typing the word “penthouse.” It dawned on me that I had a block about referring to my home using this one specific term for fear of sounding like a pompous jerk.
As soon as I realized WHY I wanted to censor myself on this (and have done for years), I also realized I had to push myself to do it, even if I was squirming. Because my next level? It may be a bigger apartment… but it’s definitely going to be on the penthouse floor. Because after all…
I’m a Penthouse person.
And as I write this, I realize that perhaps the “key” to upleveling into a bigger apartment, which has felt out of reach for me, was deciding that I AM a Penthouse person.
Owning who you are (or will be at the next level, knowing you can call in the next level right now by adopting that identity), after all, is one of the keys to getting what you want.
In fact, writing the paragraph above about the high-rise, subway tile, park-view apartment that I was feeling dull about got my blood racing. I’m turned on when I tell you about this amazing thing I manifested for myself and my boyfriend.
Shit, I forgot to mention the WALK IN CLOSET.
All my life I DREAMED of a walk in closet. NOW? It’s my fucking *normal* reality.
Like fuck me! I FORGOT how AMAZING my home is. And for me to call in a bigger apartment on the same floor (my next level home), I get to remember how awesome this is, and that I created it for us!